Whenever a New Year approaches, I must admit I anticipate it with some trepidation. It’s an old habit and one I want to change. Yes, last year was a challenging year, both personally and professionally. On a personal level I tried to forgive but I also held my ground and honored “myself” because to do so was what finally what needed to be done. Professionally I spent a lot of time and money on my business, learning as much as I could about myself, my customers, my business. I did not listen to anyone who suggested I give up because it is none of anyone’s business, even my own husband! I knew I was on a mission, not about money but a mission of strength about perseverance…..of building a better life for myself and helping others do the same. And throughout it all, yes there were times of doubt but I lived with them and kept on trucking. I am stubborn like that and I am my father’s daughter!
My daughter is still not talking to me. Anyone one who knows me and I’m sure every parent knows how absolutely hurtful this can be. At this point it has been a year and a half. It hurts me to my core. As I laid in bed last night I prayed and wondered “why.” Why, dear God, is this happening to me? The answer came quickly. “To protect you from HER anger and HER pain.” And when I thought about it, it made perfect sense and then it almost became a blessing.
My daughter never really got over the divorce and has always been daddy’s little girl and daddy has also never gotten over the divorce. If he had he would not still be speaking about me in a negative manner 16 fucking years later. My daughter drinks it all in but that being said, she 34 years old. I mean time to grow up and get over yourself and set some boundaries with daddy! And I also know that none of this is any of my business anymore. I handed it over to God for my own sanity.
Those who don’t know me well, do not know that 6 months ago I would never have even written the word “God” in a post! My dear friendCandy Kastanis and I spent some time talking about faith and I want to thank her from the bottom of my heart for having those conversations with me because somehow they took hold. And a big shout out to my business coach and friend Lisa Kitter, who showed me by example that all dreams are possible! You believed in me when I doubted myself and for that I am forever grateful.
So the focus is on me for probably the first time in my life and I hold that space sacred. Nothing has changed with my daughter but everything has changed within me. Personal growth is amazing! I love my job and the new people that have been brought in my life because of it. With that I go forward into 2016 knowing that it will be a great year for ME, regardless of what goes on around me. And for that, I am truly grateful. There is such FREEDOM in knowing that!
So I leave you with this: Believe in your Dreams for they are a part of you. Don’t let the negativity take hold of your Spirit. You’re Spirit needs YOU to fuel your energy and motivation to execute those Dreams. Have Faith. Never give up! Happy New Year my friends!!! And my Bella’s….you know who you are!